It’s been more than a year since I posted. Most of each day has been difficult and i find it’s very difficult to share negativity OR pretend that things are good… soo i’ve learned to just shut down.
Weight update… ((getting up from the chair to actually weigh myself)) 265.5. Okay… not great but not bad either! I was 400 lbs, surgery at 373, bottomed out at 225… have gained 40.5 lbs back in about 4 years.
The depression takes it’s toll on me, I am drinking, smoking and not going to any support groups. Over the past two years I have worked up to three jobs at the same time to make ends meet. In the past 6 months I ended my marriage of 6 years, my job of 12 years and moved out of my apartment of 12 years.
I got a new job working full time at a homeless shelter. I have medical insurance but live paycheck to paycheck and cannot pay the co-payments to make it to the doctor when needed. I enjoy the job, it’s VERY physical! It is an extreme multitask job and it feels good getting out of the house.
Okay… the good stuff. I choose protein first when i eat. I do take my vitamins. Since I have been more active (job and dog walks) I am in less pain. My periods are regular (i know but that was a huge issue at 400 lbs). I have only gained 40 lbs back since i hit bottom and that is great!
I am back down to one job but having a hard time making financial ends meet. I get down, but get up because it’s important. I am not on any phyc meds, there are days that I really think i need them but have never found anything that works for me without side affects.
I made only one new year resolution… to ask for “strength and courage” more often and sooner. I have a tendency to wait until i am in a desperate situation until I rely on the strength and courage needed to get through what i need to get through. Soooo it’s to ask for it sooner. Who I ask is up to me.
Other than that 2013 has already been about the realization of how good i am at crafts. I decided that I wasn’t going to get a new job, that I was going to sew and work on selling things I have made to make ends meet. I have been collecting photos of projects that I have done in the past together and while working on bringing things together I realize that I am pretty darned good at making shit! hehehe I wear a jacket every single day that I made. I am using t-shirt grocery bags that I made. I have done event planning, embossing, costuming for plays, made AMAZING digital scrapbook projects including post cards, albums and flyers. So i am banking on organizing myself enough to be able to make enough money monthly to make ends meet… we’ll see.
This year is a big year for Amelia… she is in her dream role in HAIRSPRAY. She gets to direct her favorite musical “A VERY POTTER MUSICAL” for the spring production. She graduates high school in June. She starts college in the fall. Lots of new adventures for her and ways to support her to make them all GREAT!
I think that’s enough of an update for now… happy 2013 everyone… hope there are good things happening out there!!